There are some mistakes that we get into and we find it easy to move on and there are some mistakes that actually get one into guilt and feeling of displeasure. Some of the mistakes are due to youthful exuberance, wrong relationships, upbringing and self-will. Often times, these mistakes have long lasting effects on our future plans and steps.
Listed below are some of those obvious mistakes and how to actually avoid them.
1. Dating for the wrong reasons
This is one of the usual mistakes singles actually make and some fall into it on purpose, some people date just for the sake of it, for security, for financial stability, to avoid pressures from friends, families. Some date because they don’t want to be left out, everyone has a partner, so why shouldn’t I? some just want casual friendship, someone to help them meet certain needs. The moment the purpose of any relationship is not clearly stated, you become vulnerable to any challenge that comes with it. The purpose for dating should be clearly stated, is it a long-term or short-term relationship, do you see the need to take the relationship to a great level? or you just want to date for the sake of it? Identify the purpose of dating, it becomes easier knowing what exactly you want.
2. Becoming too physically and emotionally attached
Singles in this century are not strangers when it comes to loving up, they do it anywhere, with whosoever they deem it fit. Touching, cuddling, kissing is now a norm for many singles in relationships. Some even form the habit of co-habiting with someone they are not legally married to, you are regarded as anti-social if you don’t engage in any of these. When you become so emotionally attached, you become susceptible to all forms of abuses both physically and emotionally, because your partner uses this as a tool to hurt your feelings. Guide your heart and body, don’t give it out to someone that would treat it as they desire.
3. Failure to identify red flags
Oh yes! This is common. People date with their eyes, ears, hearts and minds closed to red flags, they see certain flaws while dating and pretend like it’s normal, till it becomes a major issue when they eventually get married. We tolerate someone that walks on our self-confidence, we endure physical abuse, we endure a partner that controls everything that has to do with us, we cope with anger and other red flags, instead of talking it through with our partner, we just ignore it, till it becomes too late to deal with. Red flags while dating should be discussed exclusively, before thy turn to big issues in future relationships.
4. Failure to ask questions
Due to fear of appearing to be curious, we fail to ask some basic questions that has a lot to do with the relationship, we assume we already know our partners by how they treat us, what their friends tell us or what we think. We don’t ask questions like ‘’how they see the relationship’’ ‘’what the future goal is’’ ‘’their worst fears’’ ‘’likes and dislikes’’ ‘’number of kids’’ ‘’health status’’. We get so carried away with the fact that we are in love and certain question are not necessary, till we get so deep with the intending partner and it becomes too late to ask further questions.
5. We expect too much
It is normal to have our expectations while dating, we expect our partner to be the best, to give us all their time, we want them to show us off, we want the relationship to last, we want money, we want the good things that is attached to any relationship, but truth is, many times, expectations kills. We already have a list of what a good partner should be, you already expect him to propose, you expect her to always come over to cook and do your laundry, we just want everything. Most times, we even go as far as expecting our relationship to be like other relationships we see around or on social media. Hoping for the outcome you desire is one thing, trying to force it and being overrun with negative thoughts and feelings when it doesn’t work out is another.
It is normal to make some mistakes, but it becomes abnormal when you do nothing about the mistakes. The points above are just few points from the mistakes many singles make and how to point them out and avoid making same mistakes over and over again.